Adelaide Breakfast
How hard is it to be a single parent?
Posted by Triple M Wednesday 1 October, 2008 08:12 AM
Kym, Ali & Dzelde recently received a letter from Astrid and Gus, whose dad Darren is unlucky in love.
Hi Kym and Ali and Dzelde
My name is Astrid, and My brother is named Gus.
Our Dad Darren is the best Dad and has lots of good points. Dad cooks good food, is good at fixing stuff and is tidy. Dad likes the beach and listens to you when he is off the phone.
Dad does not live with Mum, and Dad has been by himself for a while now. We want to get him someone nice so he smiles too.
We go fishing lots, he likes skateboarding and eats vegetables, Dad is good at making friends.
Can you help Dad find someone?
Astrid and Gus, Glenelg
Hear Kym, Ali & Dzelde's response to the letter:
Kym, Ali & Dzelde put the call in to the family, and spoke to Astrid, then her dad Darren - who didn't know that his kids were so keen to find their dad someone special!
Hear it again:
How hard is it to be a single parent and still get out there and meet people?
Are there plenty of single dads and mums out there looking for love?
How do you go about getting out there?
Comments
Post a Comment | Comments (49)
can't imagine it. i'm married with a daughter and she's enough of a handful for two people, so how one person could cope with both raising a kid and dating i have no idea!
Posted by Dave Wednesday 1 October, 2008 08:31 AM
Being a mum with 2 kids I can't imagine trying to find the time to get out and meet new people, let alone try and find a new partner.
I wish Darren all the best.
Posted by Zane Wednesday 1 October, 2008 09:49 AM
It's impossible. I've been on my own for 10 years now and all my energy has gone into raising my 2 wonderful kids. Finding sitters when they were younger was too difficult and now that they are older I can honestly say... I wouldn't know how to go about dating again. I wish Darren all the best.
Posted by Jules Wednesday 1 October, 2008 02:50 PM
Good on ya Darren. I'm a single mum of one teenage girl, working full time and trying to maintain some sort of social life. Thankfully I have supports in place. Happy to go for a drink with you mate :)
xx Catherine
Posted by Catherine Wednesday 1 October, 2008 02:55 PM
Parenting on any level is hard, but being a single parent is doubly hard you barely get me time, you crave adult conversation, if you are having a bad day there is no one to take the kids so you can have a breather for a few minutes. Your movie collection has gone from PG up to a G rating and money is very tight, and sometimes people look down at you for been a single mum. But when you get hugs kisses smiles and I love you nothing else matters.
Posted by Bernie Wednesday 1 October, 2008 04:22 PM
Why doesn't Triple M set up some dates they did it in Brisbane. I would jump at the chance as I don't like the usual avenues and as you say single parents cannot get out to meet us single girls anyway
Posted by Elizabeth Wednesday 1 October, 2008 05:55 PM
It's hard enough being a single Mum let alone being a single Dad, I have spoken to many single Dad's. One of them had his own & his stepsons to look after, I give them loads of credit for being there & not giving up on there kids. Meeting people is virtually impossible at times {specially us older ones}. I wish Darren all the best, he has 2 great kids there.
Posted by Di Wednesday 1 October, 2008 07:36 PM
I have been single dad for nearly 6 years now and all my energy goes into my now 10 year old son.
i work full time as well as have my son from thursday after school until after dinner sunday night.With football or cricket and homework and anythig that else that arisis,there is no time left after housework, cooking, cleaning and working 55 to 60 hours from monday to friday and i have my son with me the rest of the time. Which i would not change, He is my world and i would give him my last breath it it would help him, but it does get lonely so i do know how others feel.
It's very very hard to meet anyone at all and when your also a shy person it's even harder and out of touch witbthe dating scene does not help.
i also wish darren and all the other single mums and dads the best,.
Posted by brett Wednesday 1 October, 2008 08:16 PM
I have been a single mum for 21 years yes its hard but you just get on with it and do your best. it is usually your social life that will suffer. How about a photo of this guy Darren ?????
Posted by karen Thursday 2 October, 2008 09:02 AM
I'm 42 single - never married and no children. While I don't share some of the issues faced by single parents, I do share the issue of meeting someone. Brett you mention the dating scene - what dating scene, especially for people over 35. It has become so socially accepted to "score" (and there is no problem there if that is what you both want), that the art of dating is almost dead. Its hard to meet someone who wants to take the time to get to know you. Good luck Darren - hope it goes well.
Posted by Jo-anne Simcox Thursday 2 October, 2008 12:10 PM
i am a single mum of 2 and i work full time. I have been seperated for for nearly 2 years and It is so hard to get out there and try to meet new people- even just for friendship.i believe it is essential to make the time & the effort to get out there. i believe that you can never have enough friends. It is essential to keep a positive attitude and have good supports. As for where to go to meet someone...well when you find out , add it to the blog . I wish you luck on your search for love and happiness.
Posted by sonya Thursday 2 October, 2008 08:52 PM
welli'm 24 and a single mum of 2 i have a 3 yr old girl and a 1yr old boy and have been single for 2 years it very hard to meet anyone or even meet up with my friends but u do got u gotta do.
i just wanna know how old this darren??????? is and if there is any pic's of him??????!!!!!!!! ;-)
Posted by Tara Thursday 2 October, 2008 10:38 PM
I'm a 22 year old single mum, with a 10 month old. My ex-fiancee left me within days of us finding out i was pregnant. i am lucky enough to have a very supportive family, but the way people judge you for being a single parent would stun anyone who is not in that situation, some of the things that get said still stun me!!
Posted by Jaz Friday 3 October, 2008 10:06 AM
My ex was abusive and I lost all my confidence after staying with him for way too long! It toolk a LOT of courage to leave him and concentrate on bringing up my 2 teenage children alone. But I survived, by living the quiet life and involving myself in their interests. I didn't really feel comfortable looking for a new partner. But one day I was reading the Connections page in the Sunday Mail and saw an ad written by a man who I could tell was a good person. I answered his ad and we met. It was very scary but I went ahead and met him at a neutral place. We became friends and now we are married. It's our 5th anniversary this week. My advice to all those lonely people out there is to trust your instincts, but keep yourself safe. Start small, take your time, only do what you're comfortable with, and put your kids before pleasures of the flesh.
Posted by jenny Friday 3 October, 2008 12:21 PM
I have been single and raising my sons,13 and 15 now for 3 years. I work full time and have them full time. The only time they go to their mothers is when I drop them there before school as I go to work and pick them up after school from there if they have no sports training. It is hard to meet anyone when your free time is limited and it does get lonely. Some people may ask how you get lonely when they are here full time. It is not the same as having someone to talk to on the same level and I miss cuddles.
Posted by Paul Friday 3 October, 2008 11:33 PM
Kids are your life when you have them, and that doesn't change whether you are single or in a relationship, its just that some things are different in a single parent home. You learn to cope because you have to. I have a gorgeous 13 yo girl (yes I know there is a lot to come), I work full time and a bit more and work hard at making sure I socialise. Sometimes I'm tired, but I'm grateful to experince motherhood. Yes it's hard to meet someone....but isn't it for most in our age group..? (twenty twenty)
So if someone else can set me up on a date.. I'll be stoked!! Why not?? Saves me the time of looking ..
Posted by Dee Wednesday 8 October, 2008 05:49 PM
Having 8 years ago lost her first born at the age of 2 my sister in-law LISA has really had a rough time. A marriage breakdown 3 years ago was the last straw we thought but No she kept on going and is stronger than ever. She really is proof that these bad times have gone and the good ones are coming or here. She is a good person, very attractive ( looks like Natalie Wood) with 3 children under 10 years and I'm sure there is someone out there for her. If she would get the nerve up I would love her to enter to date Darren.
Posted by Corinne Shaw Thursday 9 October, 2008 08:31 PM
I feel so old!! I have raised my 3 children through private schooling, worked parttime, completed 4 years of University degree, all while being single. Some of that time I had a second partner but that did not work out. My youngest is 19 now and all are responsible young people working and independant. Now what? where does one go to meet people? I work full time now so time is limited---still. Good luck Darren I wish you and all the singles well. Lesley
Posted by Lesley Saturday 11 October, 2008 09:26 AM
i have been single now for 2 years after finding my ex was cheating me.its hard to find someone decent that i can trust with me and my kids, help me find someone too.
Posted by peter Monday 13 October, 2008 06:15 PM
i have been single now for 2 years after finding my ex was cheating me.its hard to find someone decent that i can trust with me and my kids, help me find someone too.
Posted by peter Monday 13 October, 2008 06:22 PM
i'm a single mum of a 13 yr old daughter. i work perm part time.
these kids are so beautiful. i'd love to meet Darren. I'm sure he doesn't need help but i'd be happy to carry the bait bucket lol! xo
Posted by Narelle Taplin Monday 13 October, 2008 06:57 PM
i'm a single mum of a 13 yr old daughter. i work perm part time.
these kids are so beautiful. i'd love to meet Darren. I'm sure he doesn't need help but i'd be happy to carry the bait bucket lol! xo
Posted by Narelle Taplin Monday 13 October, 2008 06:57 PM
Well I used to be in a lovely family situation, until the Department got involved in my life, and now I have been forced into being a single, unfit parent, and have been told I cant have a relationship for six years, until my child is of age..... meanwhile my partner is living in a slum, away from me, so Good Luck Darren... It can happen to you!!!!
Posted by WantsJustice Monday 13 October, 2008 10:15 PM
I was single after being in a relationship for 18 years. I didn't find being single an issue, I enjoyed it. I found dating to be mostly an enjoyable experience. I found that knowing what you want in a relationship and what you don't want, to be the best outlook in terms in finding a partner. That way, you can quickly ascertain who may be suitable for persuing for the possibilty of a future. Be open, accepting, but don't compromise on the important things! Online dating is the best way to find potential partner if you're a single parent, it worked for me! Just keep your common sense about you and listen to your inner instincts.
***I reckon Darren has a thing for blondes, eh? If you're a brunette, unless you look like Megan Gale, I wouldn't bother entering.
Posted by Ange Tuesday 14 October, 2008 09:23 AM
I'm a single parent of 2. One young man who's 20 and at uni and a 3 year old daughter who's going on 12.
Yes it's hard being a single parent because all the pressures of everyday living rests on my shoulders. Sometimes, well quite a bit, i wish i had a loving partner to take up some of the load.
It's hard dating, in fact "what dating". I don't have the time to date.
I love life and i'm a real go getter. I have my finger in a few pies, work wise that is, so defeat isn't in my vocabulary. I'm a fighter not only for me, but for my kids.
Hey Darren, if you would like a date with me i would love that. I have blonde hair, slim 68kg at 5 foot 9inches. I use to model and i've been told i'm gorgeous, but that's in the eyes of the beholder ;) I think i'm cute! Gotta know who you are as a women i believe, but not be big headed about it.
I don't have a picture, but if you read this my email address is jostradingplace@yahoo.com.au. Email me and i'll send you a picture. Oh , i'm in my late 30's.
Posted by Jo Tuesday 14 October, 2008 10:43 AM
i was a single mum with 2 wonderful girls and it was sooooo hard. now im with a fantastic man and have 4 children. people have no idea how hard it it till they experience it themselves. i dont wish it upon anyone.
Posted by shellie rogers Tuesday 14 October, 2008 10:48 AM
I am a single mum of a 12 and 10 year old. I have been single for 5 years. I lived in a country town and relocated to the city early this year for a fulltime job. The reason for me being single for 5 years was choice, fear of putting myself "out there" to the risk of rejection etc. Fortunately I do get some free time on weekends to have a social life. But the dating scene??? I think many people 2nd time round are more set in their ways and less willing to compromise. Todays over 35's are more willing to play the field, so to speak, than to settle down.... for fear of..... what if something better comes along???
Posted by Kim Tuesday 14 October, 2008 10:53 AM
I am 46 never married and have a wonderful 24 year old son.
A lot of time and energy goes into being a responsible parent, fortunately for me I had a terrific support base in my parents, family and friends. I have always worked full time. It is almost impossible to date particularly for the over 35's. I am a lucky person who is comfortable in my own self but do believe that you should share your life with someone its just not easy to meet someone genuine particularly if you have children. most men see it as a package deal, I myself am not at all impressed by that terminology.
My son is my life he is a great person with a wonderful spirit and outlook on life I would not give that up for the world. Being on your own is hard because you don't have that other person to share the load even if it is just someone to say you are doing a good job. The greatest reward is seeing your children succeed and be in a great space in life.
No pain no gain I guess you do your best be honest and have faith
Posted by Natalie Tuesday 14 October, 2008 02:25 PM
Hi Guys,
It's not the easiest job in the world....... but the most rewarding. After a marriage breakdown 18 mths ago I've become the major carer of 7 year old triplets. Having a full time job in the city doesn't help either as I live 50 km's out of Adelaide, luckily I'm on long service leave at the moment, so lunches, cooking, washing, shopping & all the other jobs to be done are taken care of during the day. To care for my children properly I have decided to resign which is a hard thing to do as I've never been unemployed & try to find a part time job closer to my home. That way if anything happens to them at school I can be there reasonably quickly. I also have a very good support base in my family. I crave for adult compamy & conversation but the kids are my life & will do anything for them, if that means I don't have a social life (which I don't :-( ) then that's the way it is. I don't want them to grow up too quickly, they'll be teenagers before I know it. I was talking to someone a while ago about the kids & they said "wait till puberty" My immediate thought was "OH MY GOD WHAT AM I IN FOR" but I know I will cope, they are good kids.
Darren, you are lucky to have 2 wonderful children who care for you & want you to be happy. Keep it up, they are the most important things in your life.
Posted by David Tuesday 14 October, 2008 03:31 PM
I think that what TripleM is doing is great and a lot of fun. My marriage broke up when my two children were 10 and 12 and I had a very high powered job at the time, but thanks to a lot of love and help, they have grown up to be wonderful adults. I have had a couple of relationships during that time, but nothing lasting and I am in the happiest place I have ever been. Not sure I want to wash anyones dirty socks and jocks anymore :)
Posted by Kay Wednesday 15 October, 2008 12:16 PM
Heard a bit about this single guy Darren on the radio before I went on my holiday to Sydney, just got back now & thought I'd take a look. Having raised my daughter alone for 22yrs I know how difficult it is to find someone to share yourself with, who fits into your life & is good to your kids & well as trust worthy. I thought I found that once but it didn't work out. I haven't given up though & having recently moved over to SA I am hoping, as we all do, that good karma comes from good karma. I hope Darren has the opportunity to find someone with whom he & his children can connect with & that make them all smile. I hope also that for myself & all the other single parents out there we all do to. Having only been here in SA for 6mths do you think, Triple M, that you could post some places on your website that 35+ people actually go to for the odd drink, dance & chat as I'm struggling to find anywhere at the moment. Keep smiling everyone something good will come from all this not just for Darren but for all the single people out there looking for some companionship. :o)
Posted by Lisa Wednesday 15 October, 2008 02:38 PM
hi Darren,
my name is voula i am 33 with 3 children and single.i am a personal trainer and full of fun!
all the best for your search
xxx
Posted by voula young Wednesday 15 October, 2008 08:13 PM
is that a chicken fillet i see in this picture http://www.triplem.com.au/adelaide/galleries/gallery.html?cID=1715631629&imageID=17&postback=true
Posted by jassmyn Wednesday 15 October, 2008 09:33 PM
Hello. I tried sending an e-mail on who i think would be good for Darren but it didn't allow me. So, i think that Mellisa from Modbury would be a catch simply from the comment she made. People say that love is blind or are they blind to find it? Everybody knows that if you fail to plan you plan to fail and by saying that i mean, nearly all the girls that want a date with Darren take life one day at a time.? What does that mean, you plan to go to work one day at a time, so when you wake up you say to yourself i think i might go to work today or did you plan it the night before? Good luck Darren, all the best in finding your one true love. Alex
Posted by Alex Wednesday 15 October, 2008 09:40 PM
Just before i go to bed. I would like to say that parents on this page should date each other cause they all have one thing in comman? Anyways i would like to go on a date with Ali. What are the chances, second to none? I think that you Ali are sexy, cute and cool. I have no doubt that i make less then you but i would pay for it all cause money is not important to making someone happy. Life is to short to be sad. 10% money 90% is what you make of it. So Ali, what do you say?
Posted by Alex Wednesday 15 October, 2008 09:55 PM
To add to my other posting it's so hard to be a single parent and i wouldnt know the first steps to dating now.As i was informed there is no dating scene just a hook-up scene and thats not what i want.i want to get to know someone,and it's not sex that i miss it's the intamcy of laying in bed talking, cuddling on the lounge while watching a movie, and just being with that special person knowing they care deeply for you
I have been a single dad i said for 6 years but it has been 8 years sorry for the typo and i have not been with anyone at all for nearly 7 years now thats what i meant in my first posted blog.
I think what MMM is doing is great for darren and giving him the chance to meet his soul mate as i still believe that there is one for all of us out there somewhere
good .luck all
Posted by brett Friday 17 October, 2008 04:48 AM
I have been a single Mum for 20 years raising 4 children AND battling cancer twice. I went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy on my own. It has been really hard.
Posted by Marg Showell Friday 17 October, 2008 08:56 AM
I have been a single Mum for 20 years raising 4 children AND battling cancer twice. I went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy on my own. It has been really hard.
Posted by Marg Showell Friday 17 October, 2008 08:56 AM
I have been a single Mum for 20 years raising 4 children AND battling cancer twice. I went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy on my own. It has been really hard.
Posted by Marg Showell Friday 17 October, 2008 08:56 AM
I have been a single Mum for 20 years raising 4 children AND battling cancer twice. I went through chemotherapy and radiotherapy on my own. It has been really hard.
Posted by Marg Showell Friday 17 October, 2008 08:56 AM
It's really hard. I'm a single dad with 2 kids home with me most of the time. Time is the biggest issue. The situation is made harder when all your friends are married or in relationships, so there's no-one really to go out with when you get the chance. But, I'm here for my kids at the moment, maybe down the track when they're a bit older there'll be something or someone for me. Good luck everyone !
Posted by Neil Friday 17 October, 2008 09:56 AM
I have been a single mum for the last 4 years raising my 4 children who are now aged between 5 and 11. I have faced many life changing situations in the last 4 years which has made our lives much harder, but have come through it all as a much stronger person. I have learnt a lot about myself in that time as well but would like to meet a man who is respectful towards me and accepts my children as part of the package.
Posted by Angela Tuesday 21 October, 2008 11:40 AM
All you single people out there, take note! Here's some dating advice from someone who's been there, done that!
First, learn to love yourself. It's a cliche but it is true. How can you give yourself fully to someone when you're not fully given to yourself. If you're still hanging onto hurt from previous relationships (yes, plural!), you can't connect with others successfully.
Second, think hard about what you want in a partner, and just as important, what you don't want to live with. Sometimes we compromise on the things that will ultimately see the end of a relationship, and sometimes we don't let the small things go that make no difference to life and that can be endearing qualities that a person has.
Third, find a reasonable online dating site that is free. There are some good ones out there, take the time to have a look. Don't use the ones that charge like wounded bulls, it's not worth it. Stick to people in your close proximity. Often if you look further afield, it becomes extremely difficult, and ultimately ends in heartache and loss of money. Ask people about their experiences for guidance.
Third, set up a profile for yourself. Use recent, reasonable pictures. Think about your good points and be truthful! There is no point in lying or embellishing, if someone won't accept you for who you are, then it won't work for either of you. Don't sell yourself short. Ask the people around you what they would say are your best assets.
Fourth, use your common sense and read between the lines. What is the profile of the other person really saying ? Don't take rejection personally, you don't know what the other person's agenda is, it's not PERSONAL! Try to get to chat with the person on the phone within a reasonable time, say a week after initial contact. Often, the idea of a person can be more romantic than the reality, particulary if they live in another state, or country! Then, if you both feel comfortable, I suggest you meet fairly quickly in a casual setting for a short period. This gives you time to get a feeling for the other person, feel the VIBE which can only truly be measured in person. Then, if things go well, you can arrange another meeting, a proper date doing whatever you both like to do. If things don't go well, be kindly honest, say you didn't feel you hit it off and wish them well with their search. If you have children, I would recommend you do not introduce them for a while, give yourself time to find out if this is the sort of person who would be ok with your most wonderful gems.
Fifth, just take it as it comes. Don't have too many expectations, just enjoy the journey. Tell yourself, I'm doing this to get out more, to have a laugh and enjoy the experience. If I meet someone I really like, it's going to be a bonus! If you go with the idea you're going to meet your soulmate within a timeframe, you're setting yourself up for failure and heartache. Often when we least expect it, life presents strange and wonderful opportunities, be open and go with it.
You can do it! Don't sit back and wait for it to happen, you have to make it happen.
Live life like you've never been hurt, but wear some floaties, just in case ; )
Posted by Ange Tuesday 21 October, 2008 12:21 PM
Being a single mum is always a big challenge but those special hugs & kisses, warm & fuzzy chatter and the special unison of crackup laughter makes it all worthwhile!
Posted by Darlene Ryan Tuesday 21 October, 2008 12:40 PM
I work shift work and therefore, i find it very hard to go out and socialize and meet people after i have worked and spend time with my 10 year old daughter. Good luck, Darren
Posted by carolyn Wednesday 22 October, 2008 04:31 AM
how hard is it to be a single parent - VERY HARD
how hard is it to be a married parent - EXTREMELY HARD
how do i know - I have done both
whats happening now - i am single thank god and my children are adults - thank god again
Posted by kathryn Thursday 23 October, 2008 09:16 AM
how hard is it to be a single parent - VERY HARD
how hard is it to be a married parent - EXTREMELY HARD
how do i know - I have done both
whats happening now - i am single thank god and my children are adults - thank god again
Posted by kathryn Thursday 23 October, 2008 09:17 AM
Being a single mum is a challenge but it can be done and I think done well. The biggest issue I have faced is worrying about the finances and education costs of TAFE, Uni etc
Posted by LJC Friday 24 October, 2008 10:35 AM
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be a single mother of 2 children under the age of 2 and a half. One which has Down Syndrome who is always in and out of hospital, plus I work 2 part time jobs, Im very lucky to have my mum who helps out baby sitting for me, also I pay out heaps on child care, every week and I don't think its fair that I still have to pay child care when my child is in hospital. But I look at it this way there are people out there that need more help than me. Mind you it doesn't help when the children father don't pay child care or maintenance to me. Well thats about it for me.
Posted by Kerri Seaton Sunday 26 October, 2008 07:50 PM